Monthly Archives: October 2014

Behind the Scenes at the Kidney Cabaret

Glowing Exit Sign
This is not stage lighting.

Imagine this: You arrive at the recital hall. You’re warmed up and ready to sing; your hair and makeup are done, your outfit looks great; the tickets are all sold and the audience is starting to assemble. But the person who is supposed to run the light board hasn’t shown up. You can’t even turn on the house lights. The performance start time has come and gone, the minutes are ticking away, and everyone is still sitting in the dark (yes, this happened).

Take heart. The behind-the-scenes lighting gal might have flaked, but at least your kidneys are still working.

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Why learning how your organs move can improve your voice and reduce stage fright

A plate from Julien Bouglé's 1899 anatomy atlas.
From Julien Bouglé’s 1899 anatomy atlas: Le corpus humain et grandeur naturelle. You can browse plates from this atlas at the National Library of Medicine’s online exhibit of historical anatomies here.
When I was a young lass, my brother taught me this one neat trick: if someone – say your kid brother – is about to punch you in the stomach, and for some reason you can’t block him, you can tense up all of your abdominal muscles to protect yourself. He and I diligently (and noisily) practiced this skill on one another, generally until some adult would separate us, or threaten a month of nothing but mushroom ice cream for dessert.

How old were we? Seven and nine? Eight and ten? Whatever the age, I’m sure I already knew how to protect my vital organs by tensing my muscles. It’s instinctual. Just as the rib cage protects the heart and lungs, the abdominal wall musculature can protect the organs in our abdominal cavity.

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Get your magical singing panties here!

In the course of my singing life, I am often approached by non-singers with wistful looks who confess some version of: “I’ve always wanted to be able to sing, but I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” (Why anyone would attempt to carry a tune in a bucket is beyond me, since we all know that there’s a hole in that bucket.) Over the years these conversations have taken place at my church and synagogue jobs, at family gatherings, and in recent years, as I’ve studied anatomy and movement, in conversations with Pilates and yoga instructors, dancers and physical therapists. My stock answer is this: “Do you have your pair of magical singer’s panties, yet?”

It is well known within the super-secret society of singers that the key to good singing is Singer’s Underpants, and anyone who’s serious about singing has a pair. So if your kids burst into tears whenever you sing; if you were traumatized by a junior high school choir director who begged you to “just mouth the words”; if your neighbors fire up their lawn mowers every time you belt out a ditty and the cat runs away, you just need a pair of singer’s underpants.

Alas, I jest. If only there were such a thing.

Still, the good news is that you can learn to sing, or get better at the singing you’re already doing, and you can do so while wearing whatever underpants you already possess.

At its best, singing is something we do with the whole body, and when you get your whole body working for your voice, it feels amazing, like you’ve developed a super power. “Oh come on,” you say. “I don’t sing with my feet!” To which I offer this challenge: “Stand up and sing your national anthem (or your personal anthem, should you prefer to think of yourself as a citizen of the world). One, two, ready, sing!”

Oh, wait! Are you standing on your feet and singing?

Okay, so you use your body to sing. So let’s learn more about it and how it moves. Let’s get the whole body working for the voice, from scalp to toes. Whether you’re a professional singer, or a wistful yearner still carrying your tunes in a proverbial bucket, this series is for you.